I used to be pretty badass. It may seem cocky but I really was a great athlete when I was younger. From the age of four, I was in one form of dance or another, and then I came across boxing at 15. It has been ten years to the day that I had my first fight and I cannot help reminiscing. Maybe I started it just because I wanted to break the mold of the ballerina. Like those little snobby kids do now on that show Made on MTV. Maybe just to piss off my parents, but I found a center and a self-confidence that most people will never find.
It sounds brutish, even barbaric to say that you found some inner peace breaking some guy’s face, but there is more to boxing then that. It is about the training, and conditioning. It’s about pushing an undeveloped body into the state of adulthood. Mostly it was about enforcing one’s will. It was having a will at a time when I was being told to acquiesce to everything.
When I danced people looked at me, people judge what I did and did not do. I had to fill in a mold that was beyond perfection and unattainable. When I boxed the power moved outside of me. It wasn’t about others people’s opinion, it was about my own conquest. I learned the valuable lesson that 50% of any fight is mental. Being one of three girls in a countywide amateur division, many times we had to fight boys. If I were afraid of the way they looked or how strong they were, I would loose hands down. If I remembered that they were more afraid to loose to me then I am of loosing to them, I won.
Most women never learn to fight, physically or mentally, they learn to please, I am no exception. The world of boxing wasn’t 100% for me either, but I pulled out of the sweat and blood something really special. It has been four years since I left boxing and at first I was happy to have the free time away from it. Gone are the days of 5 am workouts and broken noses. However, gone to, are the days of victory and glory, of pushing to see just how much I wanted something. It was a rite of passage, and I am happy I did it. Maybe it is time to go back.

